The Second Shift - Strains and Strategies

To find out what life is like in two paycheck marriages, sociologist Arlie Hochschild interviewed and re-interviewed over fifty families over the span of nine years. Hochschild also did participant observation with a dozen of them. She "shopped with them, visited friends,watched television, ate with them and came along when they took their children to day care."

Although men are doing more housework today than the did just a few years ago, most men feel that the second shift-the household duties that follow the day's work for pay-is the wife's responsibility. They tend to see themselves as "helping out." But as the wives cook, clean and take care of the children after their job at the office, many feel tired, emotionally drained, and resentful. Not uncommonly, these feelings show up in the bedroom, where the wives show a lack of interest in sex.

The strains from working the second shift affect not only the marital relationship but also the wife's self concept. Here is how a one woman tried to lift her flagging self - esteem:

After taking time off for the first baby, Sheila Smith felt depressed, "fat" and that she was "just a housewife."For a while she became the supermarket shopper who wanted to call down the aisles. "I'm an MBA! I'm an MBA!"

Some wives feel that it is hopeless to try to get their husbands to change. They work the second shift, but they resent it. Others have a showdown with their husbands. Some even give an ultimatum: "It's share the second shift, or it's divorce." Still others try to be the "supermom" who can do it all.

Some men cooperate and cut down on their commitment to a career. Others cut back on movies, seeing friends, doing hobbies. Most men however, engage in strategies of resistance. The following was identified.

• Waiting it out. Many men never volunteer to do housework. Since many wives dislike asking, because it feels like" begging" this strategy often works. Some men make this strategy even more effective by showing irritations or becoming glum when they are asked, which discourages the wife from asking again.
• Playing dumb. When they do housework, some men become incompetent. They can't cook rice without burning it; when they go to the store, they forget something from the grocery lists; they never can remember where is the broiler pan. By withdrawing their mental attention from the task, they "get credit for trying and being a good sport" but in such a way that they are not chosen next time.
• Needs reduction. An example of this strategy is that father of two who explained that he never shopped because he didn't "need anything." He didn't need to iron his clothes because he didn't mind wearing a wrinkled shirt. He didn't need to cook because "cereal is fine. Through this reduction of needs, man created a great void into which his wife stepped with her"greater need" to see him wear and ironed shirt... and cook his dinner.
• Substitute offerings. Expressing appreciation to the wife for being so organized that she can handle both work for wages and the second shift at home can be a substitute for helping and a subtle encouragement for her to keep on working the second shift.
  
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